Thursday, July 8, 2010

"I don't be botherin' nobody!" and Canine MFK

So, I'm sitting at home on a normal Thursday afternoon in the summer, you know, playing MFK with Olive. The round was: The Taco Bell Chihuahua, Hooch, and Benji.  She had chosen Hooch for 'marry' and I was trying to gently explain to her the lack of logic in that choice when Hooch is literally about 12 times her size.

We were also watching a Tivoed episode of Intervention about a 30-year alcoholic (that's right, a 30-year alcoholic, not a 30-year-OLD alcoholic) named Gloria who, when asked whether or not she has reasons to consider quitting drinking, crankily retorts, "I don't be botherin' nobody!"

Of course, while watching this woman, who also happened to be a survivor of cancer and domestic violence, I start getting a craving for some wine.  It's the same thing that used to happen when I worked as a Smoking Cessation Counselor for the American Cancer Society.  Addicts have such a romance with their drug of choice that when I listen to them talk about it, they actually start to convince me that the stuff is better than sleeping with Brad Pitt or having tea with Martha Stewart.  Smoking never appealed to me, but every once in a while, after talking to a smoker for 20 minutes about what they will miss about it and what's hard for them about quitting, I would start to think... "Hmm.  On second thought, [a cigarette] would be perfection..."  Of course a cigarette was never perfection for me, but sometimes, I gotta tell you, a glass of wine sure is.  Especially when I'm working extra hard on kicking that stupid fast food addiction that plagues me. (By the way, 3.5 months now.  Can I get a chip, please?  No, not a potato chip, DORK!  A sobriety chip, for 3.5 months off fast food!  Stay with me, here.)

Anyway, as I tip the box of wine in the fridge to coax out the last few drops, it occurs to me that drinking would be way better if I had a big mac and fries to enjoy it with   a man to take me to the Melting Pot so we could have fondue with the wine   a blanket with sleeves to wear that had fresh muu-muu designs on it and was made by Lauren Conrad or the Kathy Griffin empire.

Luckily, the Mag-let was recently brought to my attention.  And by 'recently,' I mean a few minutes ago.  And by 'brought to my attention,' I mean I saw it on the latest episode of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List.  I love that show.

Please to enjoy...

Although some may say I watch too much Tivo, or that I am addicted to it, I will continue to do it as much as I want.  Because I don't be botherin' nobody!


  1. Ha! This made me laugh. First of all, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Intervention. My husband and I are both addicted to it. I'm laughing at "I don't be botherin' nobody!" Hahahaha!! Also, I work part-time at a major cancer hospital. I often feel like I've just puffed on a Camel after leaving a room where no one was smoking. It's all up in they clothes, yo! And hair...and skin... I also wanted to thank you for stopping by my silly blog & letting me know what you THANK! I was laughing at you saying you were Sloppy McMesserson "up in here". Hahahaha!! Ms. McMesserson, don't worry about it as I'm sure your mess "don't be botherin' nobody"!

  2. That's funny because I if they served wine in the drink fountains at McDonald's, we'd all be so screwed.

    This post was full of hilarity. Nicely played.

  3. Funny, funny, funny!

    "I don't be botherin' nobody!" Mom

  4. wow 3.5 months without fast food! that is a great accomplishment! I bet you do feel so much more healthier with it too!! and I bet you doh't miss it as much as you did when you first gamve it up!


  5. Oh nothing like a nice glass of wine after a long day, ow, I think we were separated at birth, because I fancy a cig with my wine :)

  6. I do that when I watch The Biggest Loser. For some reason, every time I settle in to watch those people quite literally work their butts off, I like to have a bowl of mac & cheese, some donut holes and a hot fudge brownie sundae with extra whipped cream. True story.

  7. You know, I know its wrong and Im probably going to hell for this... but sometimes I laugh at the people on Intervention... but only when they fall down. Especially the women. It just funny. Maybe because Ive taken my fair share of drunken tumbles.

  8. Haha, at Midwestern Mama. I totally crave all things Intervention and sometimes, ok this is so wrong, I root for the addict to just tell his/her family to piss off because sometimes the family just drives me nuts. Not often though, most times it makes me sad when the addict refuses help or relapses. I actually think the show is good at bringing the reality of addiction home.

    Good post Les!

  9. Hi! I have missed you.

    The same thing happens to me with those intervention programs...they make everything sound so nice and cozy...and wine and pot? They all look just so peaceful, and not botherin' nobody.


Way to blissfully paws for comments! Well done, you.

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