Home Again, Home Again...

...Jiggety Jig.

Now that I'm home, things will be back to normal soon.  Not soon enough, but soon.  I hope to be posting, reading and commenting for hours every day.  For today, though, as I get unpacked and adjusted to life in sweltering heat, and humidity of approximately 98%, I just have a quick note for some people I came across on the roads...

Dear People driving in Texas on I-35 South between Dallas and Austin,
Despite your best efforts to kill me, I managed to arrive home safely yesterday.  I just wanted to let you know that that sign?  The one that says,

"LEFT

LANE

FOR

PASSING

ONLY"

That means the LEFT LANE IS FOR PASSING ONLY!  Just sayin'.
Thanks,
FabuLeslie

P.S.  Lady in the GIANT silver Mercury Leviathan of DEATH SUV, please hang up your phone.  If you did that, you might be better at the driving part.  Maybe not, but it might be worth a try.  Thanks.

I'll have the cock and balls, please...

It's time for the promised post that I have been looking forward to writing for days.  I will now show you some of the beautiful sights I enjoyed in Portland.  They do not disappoint.  I believe that, like Taos, New Mexico, Portland, Oregon is a sister city to Austin.  Weird in the best of ways.  Behold.

One night while in Portland with my friends, I watched their softball game.  They crushed their opponents, something like 8-2.  After the game, we went out for sushi.  We parked a couple blocks away from the restaurant.  As we were parking the car, I saw a guy in a party hat running down the sidewalk.  Then as we exited the car we saw a few more people running, some of whom also wore party hats.  Then still more runners kept coming around the corner -some with hats, some without- as we walked to the restaurant.

My friend, who plays on the softball team called Boom, asked one of the runners, "What are you guys doin'?"  To which a runner replied, "We're running for beer."  My friend just nodded as they kept running by.  "What did they say?" I asked, "Running for beer??  What's that? And what's with the party hats??"  I was so confused, but I was thinking it must be a Portland thing the way he answered her, and the way she kinda nodded as he kept running by, so I shut up.  His answer surely cleared everything up for her, and I should wait to hear the explanation instead of gawking and yelling out more questions like a little kid looking at a fat person in a store, yelling out questions to his mom.  I expected her to explain it to me.  Instead, she shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know.  Maybe it's like some kind of pub crawl?"...  None of us had any idea.  Then I saw 3 people in the crowd of runners wearing t-shirts (clearly home made) that said, "I heart Spizzy."  WHAT?  I love this town!

Random flowers on the way to sushi after the running for beer sight.

"What can I get for you today?"
"Hi, yes.  I'll have the cock and balls, please.  Thank you."

This conversation was witnessed by me in a glorious place called Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, Oregon.  A wondrous feast for the eyes, where their slogan is "The Magic is in the Hole."  They have doughnuts on a turnstyle for the your viewing pleasure, a menu with dirty words on it, lots of celebrity pics, including a few of Kenny Rogers (pre-plastic mutilation surgery), and some vegan selections if your palette is more refined.  I've taken the liberty of highlighting the names of the dirty ones for you (above), but upon reading this, I found at least one that I missed.  It's like a dirty scavenger hunt, if you want it to be.  If your sensibilities are easily bruised, just skip past the donut stuff, and read the next story.  Oh wait. That one's about public nudity.  Ok, just scroll back up and look at the pretty flowers, then.  Or, you can focus on the deliciousness that is BACON on top of a maple donut.  (I tried it.  Mmmmmm.  I was not disappointed.)  Unless you're a vegetarian, and you find pork to be offensive, too.  Then I got nothin' for you except the flowers.  'Til another post.

The last Portland weirdness comes courtesy of my friend that I visited (sans pic).  She and her lady friend were very patient as I took pics for the blog the whole time I was there.  And they were the best hosts I've had on a trip in a long time.  I got an email from her yesterday about more Portland weirdness that I am sorry I missed!  Part of her email read as follows:

"I thought of you yesterday because we had a fantastic experience that would have been awesome for you to blog about.  We were coming back from the Beaver's game and got stopped at a light as the third car in line at the stop light.  Turns out that police officers were stopping traffic for a parade of sorts: a naked bike ride.  We sat through TWENTY-FIVE green lights while, conservatively, 50 naked bike riders per light rode through the intersection.  We were simultaneously entertained and horrified, while questions of hygiene and comfort whizzed through my head...
Happy driving/travels!"

Thanks again, D and B for an AMAZINGLY fun time in Portland.  You guys really do have to come visit next year so we can have another great time in a different WEIRD city!

Portland, I will miss you, but in the meantime, luckily, I have Austin to keep me company and help me smile. 

S**t my dad says...

(...or said when I was a kid):

- "Ohh-kaaay.  It's your fune-ral!"  (Note: "fune-ral" is pronounced with only 2 syllables.)
- "A fool and his money are soon parted."
- "The problem is not the thermostat.  Put on some more clothes if you're cold!"
- "It's not a fashion show...  c'mon, let's go!"
- "Oh-eff-eff!"  (Note: those "eff's" are not the f-word.  He spelled the word "off" when he walked in the door from work to let us know that we needed to turn the tv off so we could help with dinner, interact as a family, and all kinds of other old-fashioned stuff.)
- "I'll be there to help you move/unpack/pack your ex's stuff and send it to him/paint/add weather-stripping/bring furniture/[insert various other things from a honey-do list here].... in a few days."
- "You don't have to hire someone to do that.  All you need to do is...."
- "Do you need some money?"
- "You are thoughtful, intelligent, hard-working, caring, and genuine, too!  You are more than you seem to think you are."


Dad, thank you for your your humor, wisdom, encouragement, and support over the years.  (Heaven knows my choices didn't always warrant that support!)  You have written on my heart that I am valuable, lovable, capable, and so much more.  We could not have been blessed with a more loving and dedicated father.  Like you do with your gardens, you and Mom have carefully cultivated a loving and close-knit family.  Each of your three girls is solid in her footing in this world because of your amazing love and hard work.  You must know it has not gone unnoticed.


Happy Father's Day, Papa Q!  I hope it was more than you wanted it to be.  I love you!

And now for something completely different...

Ok, Readers.  Here's the deal.  I drove 684 miles today, give or take a couple.  I'm guessing everyone who reads this drove less than that --combined-- today.  So, I'm giving you the job of writing this post.  Believe me, it'll be a piece of cake.  Mmmm.  Cake.  I need dinner.  Four Hermanos is taking care of that.  Meanwhile, I will provide the media, which comes from something I saw while watching Lockup with the friends in Portland.  Here's a head's up... you probably don't have to watch the whole clip.  Unless you like torture.  Or laughing.  So, I guess on second thought, you may want to watch the entire clip to maximize the laughs.  And then comment away, please.  Well, c'mon, you better get busy.  This post isn't gonna write itself!

Phone Booths, Why Men Marry Bitches, and some other stuff in Oregon

Ok, boys and girls.  This is something you may never have seen before.  It's called a telephone booth.  Can everyone say booth?  In the 1900s, people used to go inside, close the door, pick up the handle, insert a coin, and talk on the telephone.  ...What's that? ... Yes, the word "phone" used to have the prefix "tele" in front of it.  ...  What?  Why would there be something like a telephone booth?  Well, people might have needed a phone and didn't have one with them... Well, that was possible because we weren't always able to carry phones in our pockets and purses.  They used to be connected to wires and walls.  There was no way to make them work without those connections.  ...

Yes, I suppose it was kind of inconvenient at times if your car broke down or if someone was at the store and you NEEDED ice cream but didn't realize you NEEDED ice cream until after they left the house.  That sucked.  But we dealt with it in the best way we knew how. We called the corner store and left a message for them to buy ice cream, for the love of God.  We NEEDED it, after all....It was an ice cream emergency.  Kinda like a chocolate emergency.  ....  

What's that?  What did we do if we were out and about and there was an awkward moment with someone we didn't know?  What did we do instead of playing a game on our phone or pretending to text someone?  Well, I guess we just kinda stood there being awkward and maybe started up a conversation or something since we didn't have phone to take us out of the moment with that weirdo.  It was actually kind of interesting and stimulating at times.  No, not stimulating visually like your video games.  But stimulating emotionally and perhaps intellectually, depending on what the person had to say ....

I know. ...  Yes. ...  It was a little disconcerting to not always be able to know who was winning the game, or how our stocks were performing, but that was a different time.  The people running corporations and mutual funds had something called "regulations" and "oversight" that helped them control their otherwise out-of-control tendencies to steal people's money.  ...  What's that?  Yes.  It's hard to comprehend, my little Darlings who were born in the 21st century.  It was a different time.  And, if you are interested in learning more about that simpler time, apparently, you should just make your way up to Oregon.  It's here that you will find something called a telephone booth.  Perhaps if you stick your finger where the change refunds come out, you'll get lucky and find a quarter, which you can use to play the latest video game in the pizza joint down the street...  Wait.  What?  Oh, right.  I guess a quarter won't exactly buy you anything at all in 2010.  You could throw it in a fountain at a mall.  .... What?  What's a mall?... ..



 




I went to Barnes and Noble to find some decorating books/magazines.  I will soon be designing, planning, and renovating my teeny tiny 400-square-foot condo.  I need inspiration.  I found that.  Eventually.

But first, I was reminded about the online dating site I've joined, and that there are lots of jerks out there.  Thanks, B&N, for your display entitled: "Relationships are hard...  Especially when people cheat."  I forgot for a moment about my singlehood, and my quest to find a man who doesn't love bitches.  And doesn't want to marry one.  I am especially thankful for this display because it highlights the fact that currently, I am making an excellent choice to be a single woman.  It reinforces my belief that I'm better off without a man anyway.  Nestled amongst the classics like, "Why Men Love Bitches," and apparently, its sequel (?) called, "Why Men Marry Bitches,"  were titles like, "So the Bastard Broke Your Heart.  Now What?" and "He's Just Not That Into You."  Also don't miss the groundbreaking, "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken."

Next, I will show you an adorable kitty cat.  Her name is Espieta.  Drinking water outta the shower faucet's her game.  Allegedly.  Despite overwhelming evidence, she still denies her involvement this crime.

Here are some creations from my friend, Daniela.  You remember her, right?  Please email her at: email.pearldropdesigns@gmail.com for details and other designs.

Sorry to be a tease, but I ran out of space and time today.  (And by space, I mean I couldn't stand to make this post any longer.  For your sake.  You're welcome.)  The donuts and running for beer are coming up soon.  Hopefully tomorrow.  I have a long drive, but reliable internet at my destination.

Bridal gowns, snow, and bliss: this way...

While in Denver I was able to visit my sister's bridal salon, called Blue Bridal Couture.  It's gorgeous and they carry such beautiful gowns and accessories.  I couldn't be more proud of her!

And now, FabuLeslie's Travel Tip #17:
Always check the weather forecast, and even if the forecast promises temperate weather, always pack at least one outfit for cold weather.  Just in case.  This will prevent you from finding yourself in Wyoming in shorts and flip-flops when it's 33-39 degrees.

Snow!  In June.  And I'm in shorts and flip-flops.

Then it was on to Idaho.

 

Hey look!  I'm chasing bliss again.

Stay tuned (unless you're easily offended).

Next will be Oregon and lots of quirky weirdness that I found there.  

(Like "running for beer," and donuts called [please forgive me], "cock and balls."

What?  I'm just reporting the facts!)

Ice cream for breakfast, lakefront property(?), gold lions, and some other stuff in Colorado...

Sorry.  I guess traveling sucks all the good post titles outta me.

On the morning I left my parents' house,

I stopped and got a nutritious breakfast.

Yes, an ice cream cone from the

drive-thru at Baskin Robbins.

I passed this sign that was kinda funny.

Umm, where exactly is this lake?

Just outside of New Mexico, past the state border of Colorado, I saw this interesting entry to someone's property...

Dontcha love the lions?  I think they really class up the place, don't they?  They go perfectly in front of this particular mobile home.  That consultation with the designer really paid off.

And now, some scenery.

Then, in a small town, a message from Carl's Jr.

When I got to Denver, where my sister lives,

I stopped at Whole Foods and got ingredients

for a delicious meal.  She made perfectly moist and spicy meatballs, and together we made these meatballs into sandwiches.  We also made a salad, and the filling for a banana split pie (filled into crusts that my mom made the day before and sent with me in the car).
(I told you before, I have the best mom in the world.  That's a data-driven conclusion.)

And here's my canine niece, Zoe.
A Boston Terror Terrier.
I know.  Too adorable for words.

More tomorrow.

I had a delicious massage today and I may go back for a facial before I leave the Pacific Northwest.  I also bought about 6 magazines to help me begin to plan for my condo remodel which will hopefully happen next summer.

Yes, Melinda, you should be jealous.  My life is amazing.

That nap yesterday?  It was 2 and a half hours.  Literally.

I'm not bragging.  I'm just sayin'.