Chocolate, Vanilla, Hurt Balls... Just a regular day at the office.

I was just saying to my sister yesterday that my kids weren't doing/saying very funny stuff lately.

And then I was wondering out loud if they were doing/saying funny stuff, but I was just too busy or tired to notice.  After all, among other things, I am in the midst of trying to complete 25 parent conferences before October 20.  (Four down, 21 to go.  Piece o' cake.  Or ice cream, as the case may be, because I have bribed them with an ice cream party if I can meet with all of their parents before October 20.  Yes, I am the teacher you hate who gets your child to bug you and pester you until you do something you don't have time for, or don't want to do with the promise of protein-filled-sweet treats like ice cream.  Because candy is bad.  You're welcome.)

Well, my dear readers, today the gods of kids saying funny stuff smiled down on me.  In the most AWESOMELY fantastical* way.  Enjoy!

Conversation #1 (at recess):
Silly Willy: I used to work at a kid factory.
Me: Really?  What did you make there?
Silly Willy: Mostly donuts and cakes.
Me:  Oh?  So, you didn't make kids at the kid factory?
Silly Willy: Yeah, sometimes I made kids...  chocolate and vanilla ones.  Like, I'm chocolate.  And you're vanilla.
Me: (chuckling) Really?  Oh.  I see.
Silly Willy: Yeah, I'm chocolate, and you're vanilla, and you have a little bit of strawberry on top too.  [GRIN]

*Conversation #2 (reading Junie B. Jones after lunch... The Artist comes in late, after I've already started reading... I stop reading and address him because I hadn't realized he was missing, and figure I should find out where he was):
Me: Where were you?
Artist: I had to go to the nurse because I hurt my balls.
Me: Whaaat???!!?!!  (Trying to control the alarm in my voice the same way I did when Cutie Pie said he wanted to dominate someone.)
The Precocious One: (ever the helper) I think he means his private parts.
Artist: (much louder now) I had to go to the nurse because I hurt my balls!
--(Now the kids are all giggling and laughing, and I'm wishing I hadn't asked him to repeat himself.)--
Me: (having confirmed that he did say what I thought he said, and meant what I thought he meant, I'm smiling a little in spite of trying not to, and suppressing a 7th grade-style-giggle myself...)  Umm.  Ok.  How did you do that?  No, nevermind.  Have a seat and listen to the story. (quickly turning my attention back to read Junie B. Jones)...

Girl, close your legs!

I couldn't decide between 2 captions for this pic, so you can choose.

Or feel free to write your own in the comments.

1) Olive hadn't been hit by a truck, but some Mondays sure made her feel like she had.

-or-

2) There was a certain social decorum expected in the world of humans; however, Olive, having always been canine, remained blissfully unaware of and exempt from such conventions.

Waiting to Pee or Get Your Free Purple Hair Extensions or My First 5k!

Who knew you could find so many fun things to do at a 5k run besides running?  Not me.  At least not until yesterday.  So here's what I can share with those of you who have never entered this world.

-You can get temporary tattoos,

-Snowcones,

-And a purple hair extension, courtesy of a hair products company, like Paul Mitchell.

-Everyone knows you get a free t-shirt, too.

In case you weren't wearing one when you arrived.

Although, I must warn you, you may spend longer waiting around the corner in a back alley for the restrooms (and by 'restrooms' I mean 'disgusting port-a-potties') than you expected.  Like, 20 minutes longer.

-But if you do things right, in the end, you'll push your body to limits you didn't know you could reach.  You'll have dear friends with you to support you, and to support a great cause.  And you may laugh and cry at the same time, harder than you ever have before.

Prior to this day, I had never run more than 2.3 miles in 32 minutes.  I finished the 5k --about 3.1 miles-- in just under 42 minutes.  It was so hard, and so satisfying!

EDIT: I just learned I placed 179th out of 250 timed runners, with a time of 41:20.27.  Woohoo!

Thanks, PANCAN, for the opportunity to help people with Pancreatic Cancer and their loved ones find some hope and comfort.  It was fun.  And it was an honor.

~~~For Grandma Kate~~~

It's GO time!

Sorry, y'all.  I'm no good for blog posts.  All I can think about is my first 5k tomorrow.


Happy weekend!

Once upon a time, before Lady Gaga, there was an artist named Madonna. And one formerly known as Prince...

 
Tiffany at On the Verge was my first blog crush, or blosh, as I call it.  In her comment on my last post, she asked about my running playlist.  So I'm posting it today.

(Song #1 is for warm-up walking.  Song #12, #13, and #14 are for cool-down walking.  Voila.  Enjoy!)

Perhaps some of you couldn't be less interested in my running playlist.  Well, get your thinking cap on because I have a job for you.  Did you notice that I am using artists like the Beastie Boys, Madonna, and Fatboy Slim?  Do you even know who they are?

Although I believe these artists are timeless, and remind me of a time when the world made a little more sense, I also realize that there are many other quality acts that have arrived in this millennium who, as yet, may not have crossed paths with me.

Please use the comments section to enlighten me about the great artists of the day.  If I can slap 'em into my running playlist, fantastic!  If not, at least maybe I can talk about them and sound a little less like an old fuddy duddy teacher who goes to bed at 9:00, and doesn't sleep past 7:00 on days off.

Gonna Fly Now, Sweat Spray, and Dogtoberfest

-Wanna extend your workout by 2 minutes and 44 seconds, without making it seem any longer?  At the end of your playlist, when you would usually be done, add the Gonna Fly Now theme song from Rocky.  I made my first playlist for running yesterday, and made the running portion 32 minutes long instead of 30.  When that song starts, you really do get a second wind.  I chose Alex Brown's version from a collection called Great Movie Themes on iTunes.

Image via iStockphoto

-When I was running this morning I had an idea.  See, I carry this pepper spray with me.  And I sweat a lot.  As I was walking to cool down after the run, and the sweat was dripping relentlessly down into my eyes and stinging like, umm, pepper spray, I thought, why doesn't someone invent a way to harness your sweat to use as a crime deterrent like pepper spray? Seems like it'd be so efficient.  I know, I'm kind of a genius.  It'd be called sweat spray or something.  Ok, that's lame.  What would it be called?  I don't know, I haven't worked out all the details.  It could pull the sweat from your forehead down through a tube and into a sprayer that you could use if someone tried to accost you while running.  If someone wants to do some leg work and start on a prototype, please feel free.  I will only ask for a small percentage on the back end.

-Another thing that happened this morning during the cool down walk after the run is that Olive and I met a man and his dog.  They were nice.  He was just kind and normal, and we had a nice, normal conversation.  Which is a relief.  Because for about a week and a half now, I have not been pleased with the human race.  This quote comes to mind:

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs. -Charles De Gaulle

-This man happened to mention Dogtoberfest which is held at The Domain Austin.  This year it's happening on October 23rd.  We missed it last year, but I think this year Olive and I will show up.  At least until she gets hot or tired.  I may even ask her to wear a costume.  Last year for Halloween she was a ladybug.  She also wore a cute little jingle bell collar for Christmas, and dressed up as Olive the other reindeer for our Christmas card.  She humors me but she doesn't really love dressing up.  Anyway, the event will benefit 8 local rescue groups and it looks like it will be a grand ol' time.  Maybe I can get my sister and her beaux to come and adopt a dog.  Oh, and did I mention, my weatherman crush, Jim Spencer, is gonna be there as the emcee of the costume contest??  So excited!!  (Oh.  Have I never told you about my very strong crush on Jim Spencer?  It's a weird crush.  But an enduring one.  Will have to write about it sometime.  Was also recently thinking I need to tell you about my date with Jimmy JJ Walker, too.  And I don't think I ever posted my pics of the Kathy Griffin show.  So many posts, so little time!)

Peaches, running, and... Nipple Chafing?

The Peachy One at Being Peachy does Fun with Facebook Friends on Thursdays.  My friends don't go quite as far as hers do, but I thought I'd join in today.  This is a post from a few weeks ago.  My current bestie and my bestie from high school have never met before.  When they met on Facebook, I got some laughs.

Oh, by the way, just curious.  Is it Friday yet?

Shock and... aww, too bad.

I have a student who has been identified as Gifted and Talented in Art.  He is forever asking if he can draw pictures instead of doing whatever other activity we are doing, and he is obsessed with the time when our art teacher takes him for his extra time each week to cultivate his gifts and talents.  His artwork truly does stand out, and it is obvious he has found his bliss.

He is a sweet, kind, mild-mannered boy who never has any problems with his behavior or with other students.

A few days ago, he told me a story about his homework that many of you, my dear readers, bought.  Hook, line, and sinker.

It was important to him that I bought his story too, because homework is your ticket to recess in my class, and he wanted to be able to play despite the mishap.

Today, we had another conversation:
The Artist: Miss FabuLeslie, something BAD happened!  [with tremendous gravity... bulging eyes, slow cadence, the whole nine yards]

Image via istockph

Me: Oh no!  What happened? [with matching gravity, or a facsimile thereof]
(Did his uncle have a car accident?  Did a pet die?  Is a parent in jail?) 
The Artist: I was finishing my homework... and then I... I was putting it on the table.... and...  I finished my homework, and I was... I was putting it on the table... and... then.... it...  ..... .... disappEARED!  [shocked face, bulging eyes, emphasis on the final syllable]
Me: [gasp] Oh no!  What do you think happened to it? 
The Artist: I don't know!  I think maybe my dog ate it.
Me:  Oh no.  Well, it's ok.  You can do it at recess. 

At recess, you'll be sorry to hear, he told me he got a terrible pain in his neck from leaning over to do the homework using the clipboard.

Umm, I think you're kinda young for that.

We have a thing at our school where people can recognize good things other people do by writing them a "ticket" and putting it in a box.  Every morning at assembly, our principal reads one "ticket" for each grade, and recognizes something wonderful students and teachers are doing for each other.

We are constantly building community at our school, and this is one of the ways we do it.  Anyone can write a ticket, and a ticket can be written for anyone: students, teachers, custodians, lunch ladies, etc...

The form reads something like, "I am nominating _________ because he or she ____________.  He or she is in ______ grade."

At the beginning of first grade, it's usually something like "I am nominating Sally because she helped me pick up my crayons."  Or "I am nominating Billy because he helped me pick up my crayons."

Yeah, I'd say there's a crayon accident, on average, no less than 3 times a day in the first semester of first grade.  I guess hand-eye coordination is not their thing.  Of course, I also have 25 kids in my class this year, so a limited amount of space could be throwing them off too!

Today, I wrote several tickets for my students, and modeled for them how the tickets should be written.  Many of them can write the tickets themselves, but some have to get help from me.

After I wrote a few and modeled how it's done, I had several people ask if they could write tickets.  They did, and then we went to lunch, stuffing the tickets in the right box, based on the grade level of the student receiving the nomination.

When we got back from lunch, I was getting ready to read Junie B. Jones, and trying to get them settled down and ready to listen to the story.  A few students were raising hands, and I was answering questions.

A student who is a good friend of Silly Willy, who does not have a blog nickname yet (the right one hasn't come to me, and I don't want to be hasty or inaccurate),  raised his hand and said, "Ms. FabuLeslie, I want to dominate someone!"

"WHAT??!!?!" I said, trying not to sound alarmed.  "Oh!  I think you mean Nnnnnominate.  With the /n/ sound at the beginning.  nnnnnnnnnnnnn.  Nominate."

My Friends are Gross

On Thursday, I got a text from Trophy Mama that read:

 "I just found a hunk of granola bar in my bra and I haven't had a granola bar since Tuesday."

And then today, I see the following picture on her blog.

My friends are gross.

I mean that in the best, most colorful way, of course.

I will NEVER understand people. They're the WORST!

Seriously?

You're changing into running clothes?

But it's not even 7 A.M.!

On Saturday!!

I will never understand humans.

(Despite her lack of enthusiasm before the run,

Olive ran for an entire 30 minutes for the first time today.

Great job, little girl!)

Metaphysical Volkswagen Repair

If I had used a 'metaphysical Nissan repair' place, I wonder if I would have been lucky enough to find Lolanda.  I kinda doubt it.

That is SO Austin!

My ship has come in! And by "ship," I mean, "rice."

People keep sending me mail to try to entice me to quit my day job! This blog is finally paying off.  Look what I got in the mail as a result of this recipe I shared with you not long ago!  Someone from the Success Rice PR firm saw that post where I used Uncle Ben's rice with the honey mustard chicken and haricot verts, contacted me and asked if I wanted a voucher for a free boil-in-bag Success rice product.  Ummm, YEAH, I want that voucher (as you read that, you should say it in your best Cartman 'YEAH-I-want-some-cheesy-poofs!' voice, and if you don't know who Cartman is, just say it in the voice of your closest six-year-old kid or niece or nephew or something)!  Now, I can make a rice empire comparable to my glue empire!

But wait.  If I quit my day job, I won't get to collect homework and have a six-year-old tell me their dog ate it.  Seriously.  That's what he told me when he gave me this.

"Miss FabuLeslie, umm, my dog ate my homework..."

How could anyone quit a job like this??!

Super Smart Guy Seeking Smart Girl and The Golden Rule... Sorta?

Online dating is ridiculous.

To say I'm frustrated with the process is an understatement.

Why do I even bother?

These are actual excerpts from eHarmony profiles of people that are matched with me.

Seriously.

If you want someone who uses her mind, how about you figure out the difference between their, there, and they're?  Or do you want someone who uses her mind because you don't?

You want someone who treats people the way they are treated?

So if people are jerks to me all day long, and I therefore treat people like jerks, then that's the most important thing you are looking for in a person?

I wish I had made this up.


Am I expecting too much?

All twisted up and nowhere to go

Did you hear it's a Free Day of Yoga in Austin today?

Here is Olive's Public Service Announcement for the event.

You've heard of downward facing dog?

Well, this is Ikea napping dog.

I know.

It looks comfy, but it takes a long time to cultivate this kind of flexibility.

Better get to it!

Happy Free Day of Yoga, Austin!

Looking for somewhere to practice?
Two of my favorite yoga studios in Austin are:

East Side Yoga, and Ashtanga Yoga Center.
Try one today for free!

Toilet trouble for birds

I don't know if his toilet was clogged or if he needed private property no trespassing signs, but there he was this morning in the grocery store.

Have a good day, Birdie!  Glad you are still alive and well, unlike other birds I know!

I Love My Blog Makeover!

Notice anything different?  Yep.  I got 100 followers, and when that happens, the blog fairies come down and change your blog to be something you've been dreaming of for months.  Well, kinda.

Carolynn at I Love My Blog Makeover is responsible for the new look of my blog! I have had an image in my head of what I wanted my blog to look like since I decided on a title and and began writing in March, 2009.  There was no way I would allow myself to pay for a custom design, though, until I had written lots of posts and knew that this was something I would stick with.  When I finally decided the time had come, my choice was Carolynn.

With immeasurable patience, Carolynn has helped my vision come to life.  I can't count the number of changes she made to her designs along the way to make me happy, and I am so appreciative of the grace she showed as she made my blog makeover something that delights me.

I also must say that her site has helpful tutorials for people like me, who know nothing about the behind-the-scenes stuff that makes a blog stand out.

You know how sometimes you click on the 'X-large' button that blogger gives you to make a pic extra large?  But then it doesn't fit entirely on your page?  Check out how big I made that pic of Zoe in the previous post.  How'd I do that?  Because I read Carolynn's tutorial on the subject, and was able to enlarge my photos to the point that they were as big as possible without being cut off.

She also has a free blog makeover page, which has more handy do-it-yourself tips and is great for someone who wants a little pick-me-up for their blog without spending a cent of that hard-earned envelope budget cash.

She is still working and tweaking things behind the scenes here at Give Me Paws, but I wanted to thank her sincerely for all the hard work she has already done.  The new look is so personalized that it's a great representation of who I am and what I am about before anyone reads a word on the page.

Thanks, Carolynn!  I feel right at home!

Wordless... Thursday?

It's been a long week.

I think Zoe's thankful it's almost Friday!

Anyone else?

Aww, shucks!

I'm told I have a blog with substance.  Thanks, Queen, at Relationship Rant!  I appreciate your kind opinion.  I'm just chasing bliss with a dog and 23 kids, and I'm so delighted that some people like to read about it.

Toys, schmoys... will work for free food (and run for a great cause)!

These gifts mean the world to me!

I know I have said I do it for the toys, but today I got an apple (way better than toys when you are doing the envelope budget checkbook diet and forgot your lunch at home)!  And last week I got a pack of Bubblicious bubble gum.  I guess because I'm the greatest teacher ever.  I'm not bragging.  I'm just sayin'.  Seriously, though, it's more because my kids are the sweetest ever.  The apple did not come from the cafeteria --as is often the case-- it came from Silly Willy's home, and it was offered from him with so much love that I could not turn it down.  I ate it for lunch with a Snickers bar and a milk.

Grandma Kate reading to me

In unrelated news, did I mention I'm a runner?  Yeah, I thought I might have.  Did you notice the thermometer on the right sidebar?  That's not a thermometer for the temperature.  Although the temperature ones look about like that lately.  It's one to measure donations on my behalf for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, which is the organization who will benefit from my first 5k on September 25.  I chose this run because I lost my beloved grandmother to pancreatic cancer when I was a little girl in fourth grade.  Thanks, Family, for being outrageously generous to help those with pancreatic cancer and their families!  I will be thinking of you all and Grandma when I run that day.  Anyone else wanna donate?  If so, please click the link and have at it!  Thanks for your support in my running goals as well as the great PANCAN cause!!

Edit:  P.S.  Wooohooo!  100 followers!  [cue the streamers, confetti, and balloons]  Welcome Saimi, who apparently is a teacher of preschool age students.  God bless her!  And on that note, the unveiling of the new blog design is coming soon... I'm thinking by Thursday next week!  So excited!!  Thanks, Saimi!