And now, a list of facebook status updates that are too mundane or embarrassing to actually post. Don't think of it as facebook's sloppy seconds. Think of it as stuff I can trust you, my blog readers with, but not my facebook 'friends.' After all, I have to look them in the eye on the next weekday. Not y'all. Nope. I get to stay embarrassingly sedentary and unkempt every time we interact. So go ahead, judge away.
1) I have a zit near my eyebrow and it is so big I can actually see it in my peripheral vision. I'm not kidding. I think it's throwing off my depth perception.
2) Where are all the Morningstar Farms Veggie Corn Dogs and Mom's Best Naturals sugary cereals, like Honey Grahams and Mallow Oats? Because I looked at 3 stores and cannot find a single box of any of those!
3) When I am grocery shopping, and I hear a 20-year-old, size 0 sorority girl say, "Oooo! Bananas!" Like they're the most delicious and sinful thing she's seen on the planet to date, I kinda wanna tie her down and force feed her chocolate chip cookies.
4) I kinda resent people sometimes. Especially late people. Who work with me and never come to a meeting less than 20 minutes late.
5) Can too much Vitamin A give you diarrhea? I'm not asking for any particular reason. Just curious.
6) I agreed to write a book review but I'm terrified it's going to be awful and I'm not going to want to finish it.
7) Confession: The only Groupons I even look at are for frozen yogurt and laser hair removal.
1) I have a zit near my eyebrow and it is so big I can actually see it in my peripheral vision. I'm not kidding. I think it's throwing off my depth perception.
2) Where are all the Morningstar Farms Veggie Corn Dogs and Mom's Best Naturals sugary cereals, like Honey Grahams and Mallow Oats? Because I looked at 3 stores and cannot find a single box of any of those!
3) When I am grocery shopping, and I hear a 20-year-old, size 0 sorority girl say, "Oooo! Bananas!" Like they're the most delicious and sinful thing she's seen on the planet to date, I kinda wanna tie her down and force feed her chocolate chip cookies.
4) I kinda resent people sometimes. Especially late people. Who work with me and never come to a meeting less than 20 minutes late.
5) Can too much Vitamin A give you diarrhea? I'm not asking for any particular reason. Just curious.
6) I agreed to write a book review but I'm terrified it's going to be awful and I'm not going to want to finish it.
7) Confession: The only Groupons I even look at are for frozen yogurt and laser hair removal.
HA! No judging from me!!
ReplyDeleteConfession: I have a zit so large on the end of my nose, I can see it. My best guy friend got me coffee the other day at Starbucks.
ReplyDelete"Grande nonfat vanilla latte for Rudolph!"
Nice...
You mean we should not post updates like that?? Well I have been wrong all this time.
ReplyDeleteAll of those updates were much more entertaining than a majority of the stupid-ass, boring shit I see come up on my feed every day.
ReplyDeleteugh zits! I could FB about them all day ... and I mean MY zits ... and I shouldn't have zits! Im almost 40!! I should be exempt!!!
ReplyDeletesorry
late people stink ... almost as much as poor drivers
If we were friends on facebook, I'd give a big ol' fat "like" to numbers 3 and 5. :)
ReplyDelete-Lisa
I think I resent most people. Especially late people. But not people with French Bulldogs. I'm pretty sure they only give out Frenchies to awesome people (My mom has two).
ReplyDelete