We start out with the pros and cons for choosing each girl. I would list them here, but honestly, I was not paying much attention. Kinda zoned out. And don't wanna bother to rewind TiVo. Bor-ing.
Chantal and Brad go on a Safari together. She talks about how eating lunch with a hippo and feeling safe with Brad is a metaphor for their relationship. You know, because there are scary things happening around every corner in their relationship, and... and.. blah blah. Then she gets all Boston on our ass and talks about how her love for him is "... more than a feeling." So now, how could I not include the following video for you in case you want some music by which to read the rest of the re-cap. It actually is kind of enjoyable. Or distracting. Skip it if you want. Then write in the comments that you listened and loved it. I'll never know.
The cleavage at dinner is deep. And wide. It inspires Brad to share that he's the most comfortable around her as compared with all the other hoochies on the show. Then there's a discussion about getting married on a whim, and he shares that he loves her spontaneity. "My GOD," he loves that about her. Suddenly the "let's go to the fantasy suite" note arrives, and Chantal says she doesn't want any more dinner. She's ready for the fantasy suite. Like NOW. So they go to the treehouse and do unspeakable things that we don't get to know about. I hope they don't get murdered by a pack of wild lions or something. No seriously. I hope that doesn't happen.
No sign of "no doubt about it" in this episode yet. Don't let your guard down. We must be vigilant. Wait for it.
He can't put it into words how happy he is to see Emily. He says he forgot something, and when he returns, he's on an elephant. Then, with a reverse-worst-fear moment, she discloses that she has always dreamed of coming to Africa and riding an elephant. Note to self: when producers from the Bachelor ask about your worst fears, LIE. When they ask about your hopes and dreams, DREAM BIG. And then wear some short daisy dukes on that elephant. And say, "Oh, my goodness gracious, oh my dear lord.." a lot. They sit down to dinner, and Brad can't reach for the wine fast enough. He is so nervous and awkward with her! It's weird. It's like he wants to love her and she wants to love him. But there's not really anything there. She said she is falling in love with him, but he is shocked. And then he shares that he's falling in love with her too. Weird! Because they are so awkward together! Then they commence to gettin' it on and the cameras leave the fantasy suite.
Ashley! Even shorter daisy dukes than the cold, prude-y mom, Emily! Well done, Ash. He'll be powerless to resist. He takes her to a helicopter and she actually runs away from it for a second. Then she realizes she's in Africa and there's nowhere to run to. (Can't think of the song reference here. Do it yourself. I gave you Boston.) She freaks out and says that it is her biggest fear. (Again, what have we learned here about sharing your biggest fears with producers of reality tv shows? Several things. One is you might want to make up some fears that you don't really have, so, say you're afraid of helicopters even when you aren't. If you have these fears, you will probably have a better chance to be chosen for a show like this than if you don't.) Brad then starts the 20 questions portion of the day. He asks if she will be able to "live and not just achieve..." and if she will be able to find balance in life. She admits that she has a "need to achieve" in dental school, and he doesn't say it, but is basically worried that she will be too focused on her career and will not be able to dote on him like the wife he wants to have. Then she won't say that she will move to Austin happily to be his wife if it comes to that. And he wants her to say that. But she won't. And they both get frustrated because they are each leaving too many things unsaid. She says yes to the fantasy suite. And he says, "...we had so much... we can still have so much..." He means, of course, that they can have so much...sex, but he doesn't say that last word.
And now, speaking of sex, may I take a moment to say thanks, ABC, for the following:
Now the elusive Chris Harrison appears. Brad confides in him that he is freaking out, and decides that he needs to talk to Ashely again before the rose ceremony. Which makes me think he's going to ask her to stay. And let Chantal go??? Sucky! I'm bummed. Maybe I'll be wrong. I hope.
Ok. I'm exhausted. Now he says he just doesn't know if he can fit into her life, and that he wanted answers to questions. She says she wishes she could just sit down and answer all those questions. Uhhh, Ash, that's what the DATE was for. When you totally dodged his questions and refused to say you'd move to Austin to be his love slave if he asked you to. She totally did this to them. He just wanted her to say she loves him, or that she is falling in love with him or that she might be able to move to Austin with him someday, or something, anything, to help him know she won't reject him later. And she was so prideful that she couldn't even do that. And then she gets mad at him for sending her home. Too bad. Just like a crazy woman.
Oh! And we have our "no doubt about it"!! Yay! "I was so lucky to have Ashley here, and felt very strongly for Ashley. No doubt about it..." Now I can go to bed and sleep peacefully knowing all is right with the world. 'Night, all!
P.S. Who the hell is Romeo? And exactly how sad is it that I have only ever heard of approximately half of the new contestants on Dancing with the Stars? Sugar Ray says it's all psychological, spiritual and mental... I've never watched that show, but maybe I should start. It could be the new show I recap? Not sure if I could handle having to watch it every time it's on, though...