Yeah, that hood looks about right...

A car in the Yoga Yoga parking lot:

That is SO Austin!

Mmmm, eyeballs!!

Shhh!  Nobody tell the kids!

Happy Barkday to meeee!

I celebrated my birthday this past weekend.  When I returned home from the party, I mistakenly thought I could hang the balloons on the pantry door.  Olive was not amused....

... I was quite amused.

Thanks for the enthusiastic birthday wishes, little Olive!

*I wish the lighting was better, but I don't have a camera that's compatible with iMovie, and I don't know how to alter videos in iPhoto... Hope you can still see the fear in her eyes!

Oh, Calm your balls! It's just the b-word.

And now, for an actual conversation with your local Great American Cookie Company (yes, they still exist...you're welcome):
Rep: Thank you for calling the Great American Cookie Company, my name is Ryan*, how may I help you?
Me: Hi.  I'd like to order a cookie cake please?
Him: Sure.  What do you want it to say?
Me: Um, I don't want to offend you, and I'm not trying to be rude, but I'd like it to say, "Calm your balls...  And can y'all do curse words?  Because I really want it to say "Calm your balls, B-word!**"
Him: No, we can't do curse words.
Me:  Ok, so can you just do "Calm your balls" and then leave a space at the bottom so I can write in bitch myself?
Him: Ok, well, yes, that's fine.  So you want it to say "Calm your balls"?
Me: Yes, and can you have them put like a baseball and a basketball and a football on it?  And an exclamation point at the end of the blank space, so when I write in the b-word, there will be an exclamation point there?
Him:  Hmmm.
Me: What, is that not ok?
Him:  Well, it's just how to write it down so they know what I mean.  You know, in the morning.
Me:  Ok, well you can forget the exclamation point then, if that's easier.
Him: Ok.  So Thank you!
--------------------------------------
Twelve hours later...
Me:  Hi!  I'm here to pick up a cookie cake for Leslie.
Counter Girl: Here ya go.  Wait, were you supposed to tell me what goes here in the space?
Me:  Well, yes, kinda, but I wanted it to be a bad word...  I wanted the b-word there and they said you can't do it. 
[Now she's lookin' at me like she kinda wants to write bitch, in icing, on a cookie cake.]
Me:  Or, can you do that?
Her: Well, don't tell anyone...
Me: Oh, thank you so much!!  This will look so much better than the way I was gonna have to do it myself!!!
Her: Well, I figure if you're paying $30... wait, "bitch"? .... she starts writing in cursive and keeps talking as I nod my head....
Her: I figure if you're paying $30 for a cookie cake, you should be able to get it how you want it.  [Finishing up with the white icing and switching to chocolate now...]  My boss is here a lot but he's not here now, so just don't tell anyone...
Me:  Thanks again, so much!

*Not his actual name.  I need to protect the innocent, you know.
**If you want to know why I want my birthday cookie cake to say "Calm your balls, bitch!", you can read all about it here.

Mmmm, stuffed animals.... or... V-Day can suck it.

Dear First Graders,
Thank you for giving my mom delicious cute stuffed animals for Valentine's Day.  I She really loves chewing on them til their eyeballs fall out cuddling with them.  Please let the Kindergarteners know she prefers them over chocolates and candies for next year.
Yours Truly,
Olive

Believe everything you read!

I got a poem today from one of my students.

He read it to me, and for those of you who are not fluent in invented spelling, here's what it says:
Super nice
Nanny (?)
Young
Different
Energy
Rocks

Um, yes, to a woman of a certain age, whose birthday is just around the corner, line 3 is the best of all.  Now it's officially on record, y'all.  You know kids never lie.