And now, for an actual conversation with your local Great American Cookie Company(yes, they still exist...you're welcome): Rep: Thank you for calling the Great American Cookie Company, my name is Ryan*, how may I help you? Me: Hi. I'd like to order a cookie cake please? Him: Sure. What do you want it to say? Me: Um, I don't want to offend you, and I'm not trying to be rude, but I'd like it to say, "Calm your balls... And can y'all do curse words? Because I really want it to say "Calm your balls, B-word!**" Him: No, we can't do curse words. Me: Ok, so can you just do "Calm your balls" and then leave a space at the bottom so I can write in bitch myself? Him: Ok, well, yes, that's fine. So you want it to say "Calm your balls"? Me: Yes, and can you have them put like a baseball and a basketball and a football on it? And an exclamation point at the end of the blank space, so when I write in the b-word, there will be an exclamation point there? Him: Hmmm. Me: What, is that not ok? Him: Well, it's just how to write it down so they know what I mean. You know, in the morning. Me: Ok, well you can forget the exclamation point then, if that's easier. Him: Ok. So Thank you! -------------------------------------- Twelve hours later... Me: Hi! I'm here to pick up a cookie cake for Leslie. Counter Girl: Here ya go. Wait, were you supposed to tell me what goes here in the space? Me: Well, yes, kinda, but I wanted it to be a bad word... I wanted the b-word there and they said you can't do it. [Now she's lookin' at me like she kinda wants to write bitch, in icing, on a cookie cake.] Me: Or, can you do that? Her: Well, don't tell anyone... Me: Oh, thank you so much!! This will look so much better than the way I was gonna have to do it myself!!! Her: Well, I figure if you're paying $30... wait, "bitch"? .... she starts writing in cursive and keeps talking as I nod my head.... Her: I figure if you're paying $30 for a cookie cake, you should be able to get it how you want it. [Finishing up with the white icing and switching to chocolate now...] My boss is here a lot but he's not here now, so just don't tell anyone... Me: Thanks again, so much!
*Not his actual name. I need to protect the innocent, you know.
**If you want to know why I want my birthday cookie cake to say "Calm your balls, bitch!", you can read all about it here.
Dear First Graders, Thank you for giving my mom delicious cute stuffed animals for Valentine's Day. I She really loves chewing on them til their eyeballs fall out cuddling with them. Please let the Kindergarteners know she prefers them over chocolates and candies for next year. Yours Truly, Olive
Did I say "Give Me Paws"? I meant "Give Me Comments. And Followers." I'm the mom of a lovable French Bulldog, and my 17 kids can be found in my first grade classroom on weekdays. After earning a Master's degree in Psychology, I found happiness in teaching, and it's anyone's guess what comes next. A blissful life of balance is my pursuit; I want new adventures, but I take comfort in the familiar. My interests include: dogs, Austin, writing, teaching, yoga, books, running, tv, politics, gardening, interior design, cooking, painting, travel, photography, and more. All this in a tiny urban condo that's only 400 square feet!